Princess Tutu: The Abridged Series Act 1
by snowcloud8
Summary: Well, it's finally been done! I have created a fanfiction version of Princess Tutu Abridged. With an irrelivant prince, a cynical knight, and a princess with a nice @SS, what's a writer to do? Based on the popular Youtube series by TutuOnAbridgers. I DO NOT OWN!
1. Episode 1: Duck and the Deathly Hallows

**hey peoples! it's snowcloud8 here! I just had an awe inspiring idea! Some of you people might have either seen Princess Tutu or the abridgement of it on youtube. So I am going to create a fanfiction version of it! All credit goes to Elf and everyone at TutuOnAbridgers (the username group on youtube, if u want to check it out). Repeat, I DO NOT OWN THIS DIALOGUE! So no flames, please!~**

**Princess Tutu: The Abridged Series Act 1**

**Episode 1: Duck and Deathly Hallows**

**Disclaimer: None of the dialogue of the Abridged series, Princess Tutu, or any other parodies u might hear do I own! If I did, Duck would've stayed human and gotten together with Fakir! No copyright infringement!**

_Once upon a time, there were three brothers. One day, as they travelled to one town to another, they came upon a deep river. Using their skills, they made a bridge and crossed it to the other side. Death was angry that they had escaped drowning so he came to them cordually, granting each of them one wish. The eldest wished for a weapon that could never be defeated in battle to safeguard him from death, the second brother wished for a stone that could bring back the dead, and in so doing, humiliate death, and the third brother wished for a cloak that could hide him from Death himself. Each one was granted, but Death had the last laugh. Did anyone one of them really escape their fates in the end? (1)_

**Theme Song: I Don't Feel Like Dancing by Scissor Sisters**

_**Elf as Duck**_

_**Walker as Mytho**_

_**Blade as Rue**_

_**Runen as Fakir**_

* * *

><p><em>A large fog surrounded the lake, a sillouette of a man was dancing on the surface of the water.<em>

_'I think he's naked.' thought a yellow duck that swam across the lake. 'Am I having a naked dream?'_

_'Am I naked?' she thought as she looked down at herself. 'No wait- I'm a duck. Man...I have a craving for breadcrust right now...' she sighed as a pair of large purple glowing eyes were ominously floating in front of her._

_**"Oh really?"** exclaimed a voice._

"OMG! PERSONAL SPACE!" she shouted, a red headed girl with a braid suddenly jolting from her dream, her arms waving wildly as she fell over the side of her bunk bed with an 'oomph'.

"That was a weird dream, _which had no symbolic meaning what so ever_...Seriously." she said sarcastically as she brushed herself off and fed her large swarm of birds. "Hey Canary-Momma, how's the kids?"

**_"I will eat your soul." _**the bird chirped while the girl just obliviously smiled. Suddenly, a long bell rang outside the window that echoed throughout the town.

"Class bell?" she thought out loud before grabbing her books and running out the door. "OMG! I'm late! Run! RUN LIKE THE WIND! No, more like the wind, less like AN IDIOT!"

(My name is Duck...yes, like the bird. Take it up with my parents;_ they've never loved me!)_

Duck ran across the courtyard and quickly ran into the ballet hall.

"I'm so sorry I'm late! Alarms haven't been invented!" she cried out apologetically before she noticed the room was empty. "Umm...there's no one here, is there?" Suddenly, the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy began playing the backround._ 'Oh no! Ghost music!' _she thought frantically as a figure with shaggy white hair and golden eyes began dancing and twirling in the backround.

"Oh...it's only...Mytho. Wow...he doesn't obey the laws of physics..." she sighed contently before Mytho abruptly stopped dancing. "Omg, did I say that outloud? ! I-didn't-mean-to-say-that-outloud! I'll-go-now!" she said really quickly before her legs began to move spastically. "Oh-no! I'm-over-animated! How-do-I-stop? I hate-" she said before she slipped and fell. "-gravity..." Suddenly, a hand came out and caught her. Duck looked surprisingly over at Mytho before blushing redder than a tomato. _'OMG! HE'S TOUCHING ME!_ HE'S TOUCHING ME!_ Oh my god! With green handcuffs! FUZZY. HANDCUFFS...'_ she spazzed inside her head before she stared into his fathomless yellow eyes. _'Wow... he has really sexy eyes...I bet he and Rue-'_

"RUE! Oh SH*T F#% GOD SH*T MOTHER B*TCH F***ING B*TCH WHATEVER!" she shrieked as she slunk away from the boy. "Oh, I'm so sorry! I'm really such a potty mouth. Sorry! People say I'm weird. I guess I'm weird."

"Did you know that horses can't vomit?" Mytho said irrelivantly.** (A/N: yes! actually, I did know that!)**

"No one's ever said that to me..." she said as she clutched her heart on the floor, her face drenched in content red before the door quickly opened.

"Please, moron. What's going on in here?" said the figure. He was a boy about average height with dark green eyes and hair that was pulled back into a ponytail. "Mutou, what did I tell you about forming your own opinions? Are you fraternizing with the enemy?" Mytho just stared at him. _"WELL?"_

"My foot..." Mytho simply responded.

"What? Did you..._twist it?_ Moron..." the boy said irritably.

"He fell! It happens._ It wasn't my fault!"_ Duck whined.

_"...Riiiiiiight..._moron..." Fakir dragged out, his voice dripping in sarcasm. "Come on, Mytho."

"But his foot-" Duck interjected.

"QUIET, MORON!" Fakir yelled as he dragged Mytho out of the dance room.

"Who's he calling 'moron'? Hey! Shinee!" Duck thought, ADD'd towards a shiny object.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"I can't believe you were late for practice. Didn't you leave at, like, 6:30?" a girl with purple hair asked Duck.

"That wasn't on purpose." Duck replied as she stretched.

"Oh, her pain is so cute!~" a blonde girl with pigtails squealed.

"I'm still jealous. I can't believe Fakir called you a moron. Aren't you lucky?" the purple-haired girl said as she leaned on Duck's back, almost purposely hurting her.

"Pique! I need that leg!" Duck cried out.

"I didn't hear any praising!~" Pique said in a sing-songy voice as she smugly leaned on her even more.

"I'll never give in! MYTHO FOREVER!" Duck said in protest, her leg screaming out in pain.

"But he's soooooo taken!" Lillea added.

"Poor deluded Duck; thinks she has a chance." Pique and Lillea said in unison while Duck whimpered in anime tears of relief before the door opened.

"Oh! Teacher alert!" Pique said as the class turned towards a...feline?

"A CAT!" Duck shrieked.

"Duck! That's our teacher!" Pique whispered hoarsely.

"Our teacher's a cat?" Lillea exclaimed as if the thought never occured to her that her teacher could've been an anthropormorphic being.** (A/N: you gotta luv metafiction)**

"AUTHORIAL HAND WAVE! Drop it or else-" the cat said as dark emotions began swirling around his face.

_'Mytho is really handsome...I'd like to-'_ Duck thought to herself as she began practicing her exercises before-

"MISS DUCK!" Mr. Cat shouted, pointing out Duck's butt awkwardly sticking out in a lazy ballet position. "Don't make me-!"

"Yes sir!" Duck replied fearfully.

**Couple Minutes Later...**

"Alright, now it's time for a presentation from the special class." Mr. Cat said as he led in a group of five girls. All of them wore blue dresses, except for the one in the middle, who wore a crimeson red tutu that matched her eyes and complimented her black hair.

_'Wow... Rue! I see why Mytho likes her.'_ Duck thought as Rue began doing various bends and complicated ballet twists._ 'I'm suddenly questioning my sexuallity...'_

"NO! MYTHO FOREVER!" Duck screamed outloud, gaining the attention of an impatient Mr. Cat.

"MISS DUCK! Stop fangirling or I'll-" Mr. Cat threatened before Pique and Lillea jumped in.

"It's not her fault!" Pique interjected.

"She was born without a brain!" Lillea added as she patted Ducks head and poked her cheek at the same time. Mr. Cat just stalked off and began washing his face furiously, like any cat would.

_'How will I ever compare with Rue?'_ Duck thought.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"So you're going?" Pique asked Duck, after they had changed back from their ballet tights and into their grey uniforms...that kinda looked like tutus.

"My love is pure!" Duck said confidently.

"THE PUREST OF ALL!" Lillea squeaked in agreement.

"MY EYES ARE A NATURAL COLOR!"

"And not red as hellfire!" Pique added.

"AND I HAVE A NICE ASS!"

"That you do!" Lillea chirped.

"It's perfect..." Pique said in disbelief as Duck marched quickly out of the locker room. Pique turned and looked outside the hallway. "Where's she going?"

"Strip joint?" Lillea shrugged.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Duck began running across the Kinkan Campus **(A/N: god, try saying that five times...no, go on! I DARE YOU! HAHAHAHA!) **before arriving at the boys' dorms, abruptly stopping under the shrub arch.

"Oh no! Blue flowers! My one true weakness!" she exclaimed before began spastically walking towards the door, her hand shaking over the doorknob. "DOORKNOBS! My other true weakness!" She tried with all her might to touch the knob, but she lost confidence._ 'I failed...'_ she sighed sadly before bonking herself repeatidly on the head._ 'OMG! STARS COME OUT OF MY HEAD! WOW!'_

"_What the hell,_ moron? ! Are you one of my _fangirls_?" said a voice that Duck recognized to be a pissed off Fakir.

"No. I'm here to see Mytho." Duck said as Fakir began walking past her.

"No _one_ sees Mytho. Not nobody. Not no how!" Fakir spat as he slammed the door on her, accidentally on-purposely shutting the door on half of her body, including her nice ass.

"Isn't that him in the window?" Duck pointed out.

"It's a card board cut out." Fakir exhaled gruffly.

"_Oh_...are you like this to everyone?" Duck said dissapointedly.

_**"Yes."** _Fakir hissed as he finally was able to shut the door on the annoying girl and turned towards the 'card board cut out' of Mytho. "A fangirl. Don't worry, I drove her off. She's not too bright."

"...Okay" Mytho said slowly.

"Don't even think about it!" Fakir growled earnestly.

"...About what?" Mytho asked.

**"_That,_** moron!"

"...Huh?"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Dude, Fakir is a jerk!" Duck shouted as she sat at her window sill. "Mytho...***purrs*** Thigh high boots...Man, I wish there was some way I could see him."

WHOOSH!

"I wish I could fly through the window in my nightgown..."

WHOOSH!

"I wish we could make love...in the fountain..." she sighed wistfully.

**"Ah ha ha ha!"** laughed a voice.

"Huh?" Duck said looking around and out the window. But no one was there. "Aliens?"

DING DONG!

"The doorbell? TIME TRAVELLERS?" Duck questioned outloud, wandering towards the fountain before noticing a small grandfather clock.

**"Well, what do we have here?"** said the voice. It belonged to an old man with orange eyes and a white beard. He wore an odd assortment of clothing.

"Hobos?" Duck said, looking around but still seeing nothing.

**"A little ballerina...in her nightgown."**

"...Alien time-travelling hobos?" Duck concluded.

**"Heh heh, and she has a perfect ass~...She's perfect! Oh Duuuuuuuck~"** the man said in a sing-songy tone as he stared at her through the gears of a clock.

"Oohuh?" she said as the scenary turned from gray back to night blue, the fountain unfreezing and beginning to flow water once more. "The fountain? A mom fountain?"

**"Tell me a story, little Duck..."** the man said, dissapearing into a shadow of mechanisms.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"I have something to...take care of. Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone, moron." Fakir said sternly.

"Momma birds vomit up food for their young..." Mytho mused.

"MORON!" Fakir screamed as he walked out of the dorms. Little did he know, three girls were spying on him past the shrubbery.

"Alright! Time to move out!" Duck said peeking over the bush.

"But Fakir left..." Pique pointed out.

"Yeaaaaah." Lillea whined.

"Wait! We're going after Mytho!" said Duck.

"No way! I'm leaving. Good luck, though." Pique waved off as she got up and walked away, along with Lillea.

"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" they both chanted as the skipped down the street.

"Alright! I will do it right! Oooooh birds..." Duck said distractedly at the yellow birds perched near the boy dorms. "Awww, it's cute innocent Canary-Momma! Look! Babies! I'm so hungry- MYTHO!" Duck shouted as Mytho got up onto the window sill and stood on the frame, his long white shirt fluttering in the wind. "HE'S NOT WEARING PANTS!"

_**"THIS IS FOR MY MOTHER, YOU DEMON!"**_ cawed a crow as it swooped down and attacked the canaries, knocking one of the babies over. Suddenly, Mytho jumped out of the window and caught the little bird before he too fell.

"NO! MYTHO! DON'T DO IT! BIRDS CAN FLY!" Duck pleaded as she watched the boy fall.

**"Oh_ dear_, the prince is falling...and not wearing pants~"** said the old man as pictures began appearing like clockwork...literally!

"Pants?" Duck questioned.

**_"He's going to diiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeee~"_ **the old man teased.** (A/N: from now on, i'm just calling him drosselmeyer. we all kno it's him! )X )**

"I'm _so_ not impressed." Duck said bitterly.

**"Who will save him?"**

"Who? The bird?"

**"_You_ will save him?"**

"Meeeee?"

**"_Yes_, you!"** Drosselmeyer said impatiently.

"YES! I can save him because...I'm Princess Tutu! TUTU ON!" Duck shouted as she began glowing red and transforming into a ballerina with a red pendant and white tutu.

**Song: Horror Show by The Birthday Massacre**

"Flower power, GO!" Princess Tutu shouted as she began pirouette'ing, a large swarm of flowers swirling around her like a hurricane with every step and twirl. Mytho landed with an 'oomph' in the cushioned field of flowers before Duck helped him back up. "Here you go!"

**_"I'm free to eat your babies!"_** the baby bird chirped, revealed to be unharmed in Mytho's hand as it flew away.

"Oh Mytho..." Duck sighed as the white haired boy held her hand.

"Do I know you?" Mytho asked.

"Sort of. I'm-...I'm...IDENTITY CRISIS!" Duck began before the old man intercepted her.

**"_Oh,_ what now Duck?"** said Drosselmeyer.

"Oh snap!"(2) Duck exclaimed as she put her hand to her mouth and slowly backed away.

"Wait! Why are you-? Oh...I'm not wearing pants, am I?" Mytho said somberly as Duck ran off. She began waddling for a little bit before she collapsed in the dirt as a yellow duck, the red gleaming pendant flying off of her neck.

"I hate my life..." she whined.

**To Be Continued...**

**Ending Theme: Caramall Dansen**

_**Taslin as Narrator**_

_**Elf as Pique**_

_**Blade as Lillea**_

_**Runen as Drosselmeyer**_

_**Lex as Crow**_

* * *

><p><strong>And so ends the first written chapter of the abridged-<strong>

"AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH! THEY'RE EATING ME ALIVEEEEEEEE!" Duck cried out as a large swarm of birds enveloped her body.

...anyways, I hope you enjoyed it! (Better go check that she's still alive...) GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU RAT DEMONS FROM HELL!

**Author Notes:**

**(1) Story from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.**

**(2) _That's So Raven_ reference.**


	2. Episode 2: Pas de Deux and Anteaters

**I am ON FIRE! Expect multiple chapters this week! All credit goes to Elf and everyone at TutuOnAbridgers (the username group on youtube, if u want to check it out). Repeat, I DO NOT OWN THIS DIALOGUE! So no flames, please!~**

**Princess Tutu: The Abridged Series Act 1**

**Episode 2: Pas de Deux and Anteaters**

**Disclaimer: None of the dialogue of the Abridged series, Princess Tutu, or any other parodies u might hear do I own! If I did, Duck would've stayed human and gotten together with Fakir! No copyright infringement!**

_Once upon a time, there was a man. He loved a woman as fair and cool as the sea, and she promised to wait for him. But when he returned after his long voyage, he found that she wasn't there. So hurt by he by the broken promise that he cut out his still beating heart in order to rid himself of pain and wandered the seas for eternity. Eventually, he died terribly, broken and alone...(1)_

**Theme Song: I Don't Feel Like Dancing by Scissor Sisters**

_**Elf as Duck**_

_**Walker as Mytho**_

_**Blade as Rue**_

_**Runen as Fakir**_

* * *

><p><em>'Oh man...what happened?'<em> Duck groaned as she regained consciousness. She was laying face-down on a dirt path that surrounded a lake in a heavy fog._ 'My head...stupid hangover.'_ She looked down at her hands, only to see yellow feathers instead of fingers.

"OH SNAP! PANIC ATTACK! Tall-grass-tall-grass-tall-grass-tall-grass-IT'S EVERYWHERE!" she shouted as she ran through the reeds of grass before stopping at a small bank of water._ 'Oh my hair...does it always look like that? No wait! I'm a duck?'_ Looking down at the surface edge, the water turned to a murky black._ 'Oil spill?'_

**"Why hello~"** said the old man as his face appeared in the water.

"WHAT THE HELL? ! Old man!-It's-the-old-man!OH-MEH-GEE!-IT'S-EVERYWHERE!...Are you my mother?" Duck yelped as she scuttled away from the bank.

**"Ah the-! What? ! No. No, I'm not your mother. You may call me Drosselmeyer~...or Sugar Daddy or BIG-DADDY-HOME-DOG-D!"** Drosselmeyer said, the latter of his sentence sounding like a wannabe gansta.

"Why is your eye three feet from your face?" Duck asked as she stared at the apparation.

**"Oh yes! Mytho's a prince, alright."** Drosselmeyer said, clearly ignoring Duck's legitimate question.

"What? I-I didn't say that."

**"A beautiful prince (hmmm) who fights a monster raven."** Sugar Daddy D replied. **(A/N: Pfffft! ROFL! XD I can't say that with a straight face!)**

"Are you even listening to me?"

**"As you can see from this levitating book, I am MAGICAL! You should do what I say~..."** he said as he began writing with his quill.

"Magical? Mutou? Wuht? **O.o**"

**"*mumbles* AH! Yes~ A whole hearted hero who fights a raven."**

"You already said that."

**"Well, he came out of the story and lost his heart~"**

"What? Mutou's from the story?" Duck said as realization began flitting through her eyes.

**"Unfortunately, the story stops there and only Princess Tutu can get it started again~"** Drosselmeyer sighed.

"Uh...Princess _Tutu?"_

**"So what do you say? Will _yoooou_ be Princess Tutu?"**

"This sounds like a scam!" Duck said as she flapped her arms- errr... wings around wildly.

**"You get to be a real girl again~..."** Drosselmeyer added, eying the aquatic bird-girl.

"A real girl?" Duck said wistfully.

**"If you have the resolve..."**

"This sounds like a bad fanfiction-" **(A/N: O.O)** "-but, I'll do it. I've always thought Mytho was sexy. I'll win his heart. I can prove animals can be loved too!

**"Oh good...well- you'll do."** Drosselmeyer mumbled as he extended out a large red pendant in his hand. **"-AND SO a bird becomes a girl, and the girl becomes a magical ballerina princess, but be warned. If you say-"**

"OH SNAP! I'M A-gah!" Duck shouted as she flashed back into a girl, only to change back into a duck again in a red light.

**"Well, there you go; don't say that!"** Drosselmeyer said as he stared cynically at the foolish duck.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

_'Hmmm...Deja vu...'_ Duck groaned as she came out of her black out. She got up and looked at her wing _'Feathers?'_ before looking down at the pool of water below._ 'Oh I guess I'm just a duck after all...'_ she thought as she jumped in the water and began swimming like most ducks would._ 'That sucks. I thought I was someone important.'_ Suddenly, she reverted back to being a girl.

"OH SN-!" she squeaked before covering her mouth as Drosselmeyer's words flashed through her head.

**_'Well there you go; don't say that!'_**

"Well, I guess I'm a girl." she said as she looked at her red pendant before a ghostly tune began playing in the backround.(2) "Huh? Ghost music?" Gradually, a figure came out of the fog. It was a woman with blue eyes and odd green hair who was cranking a large music box** (A/N: or crank organ; i don't know what it's called!).**

"When a man and a woman love each other, they share a special hug." the woman mused to no specific person.

"Huh?"

"I am Edel-" the woman replied as she stopped cranking the ghost music. _"-you_ are naked."

"Naked? OH SN-!" Duck said as her whole body blushed a florecent red before she hid in the waters below, managing to muffle her outburst.

"You'll need these." Edel said as she held up a small, female, Kinkan Academy uniform.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

_"Soooo_...if I'm a duck but also a girl, can I even have children? Or do I lay eggs or...what?" Duck questioned while her and Miss Edel walked down the cobblestone streets.

"Perhaps it all depends if the painters come in. You don't have to worry when the time is right." Edel mused.

"That doesn't make any sense. What time?" Duck asked. Edel's ghost music abruptly stopped.

"Oh look. It's seems I have a customer." Edel said, awkwardly changing the subject. "-perhaps later?"

"Mind blowing." Duck said in awe.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"ELLE-LO-ELLE-LO-ELLE-LO-ELLE-LO-ELLE-LO-ELLE-LO-Fail!" Duck said as she ran across the courtyard, only to hide behind a statue. "Oh! It's Mytho. I wonder what kind of girls he likes?" She began making gestures. "Angry girls? (she growled) Sarcastic girls? (she said sarcastically) Or_ prissy girls_?~ OR FAT GIRLS! (a knife and fork suddenly appeared in her hands before composing herself) ***record screech*** No, maybe not. Well, there's no point in waiting." Duck began walking up the grassy hill and stood in front of Mytho. "So...I'm...um...see- um...parsely?" Duck stuttered.

"...What?" Mytho said cocking up one of his eyebrows.

"Nothing, dude! Is anyone sitting here?" Duck asked, quickly moving on.

"It takes two hours to hard-boil an osterich egg."

"Ha hahahahahahaha..." Duck laughed awkwardly, her face turning a bright pink._ 'Stop laughing, you moron! It wasn't funny! It didn't even make sense!'_ "So that's a book, right?"

_'No duh, moron...'_ she thought aside to herself.

"Book begins with 'B'!"

_'Stupid begins with ME!'_

"You like that book, right?"

_'Damn, I'm channeling Fakir.'_

"Not really. Fakir picked it out for me. He said I shouldn't read anything written by a dirty hippy so he picks out my books."

"Umm...okay- ANTEATER!" Duck shrieked as a large brown anteater stood before them, wearing the girls' school uniform.

"Hi Mytho~" she said as her long thin tongue flicked in and out of her mouth. "Are you doing anything later?"

"Not really..." Mytho said monotonously.

_'Okay so there's Mr. Cat, but an ANTEATER? SERIOUSLY! ?'_ Duck thought as she stared at the anteater's beady little black eyes.

"_Soooo_, you're Rue's boyfriend, _riiiiight?" _the anteater said as she sat down next to him.

"White pine tar was used to cure scurvy..." Mytho droned brainlessly.

"Would you mind being _myyyyy_ boyfriend?~" she asked dreamily.

"A lion's roar can be heard up to five miles away..." Mytho simply responded while the anteater licked his cheek. _'UGGAAAAAH!'_ Duck squirmed in horror.

"Umm! Ex-excuse m-m-me! I need to-" Duck stuttered as she ran away from the horrid scene and right into-. "RUE! Oh snap!" Duck's clothes suddenly flopped to the ground because she wasn't in them. A small yellow duck wriggled out of the pile before she began flapping crazily around in circles._ 'Shit, I have to report! Umm! Umm! How do I girlfy again?'_ she thought as she frantically looked around the area. _'FOUNTAIN!'_ She rushed down the hill and splashed in the water fountain before she jumped out again as a human girl. _'Naked!'_ she thought as she back tracked, said "OH SNAP!" and ran back for her clothes, pulling them behind her like a homemade sack.

"Okay,-clothes,-bush,-fountain,-bush. Okay, now I can report in!" she check listed before plopping back in the fountain and jumping into a bush. Radio static began screeching inside the shrub and the bush began wiggling. "Calling Mytho fangirl HQ! We have an S1203 in progress! I repeat, we have a confrontation in progress!...What? You need time? How do I-? 'Kay!" Duck said into the microphone before she dashed out of the bush and in front of Rue to block her from seeing anything.

"Oh! Uh...hi. DISCO FEVERRRRRR!" Duck shouted, pointing her finger in the air.

"Hey Rue~. Your boyfriend likes _me_ now. Understand?" the anteater said as she carried Mytho bridal style.

"What?" Rue blinked.

"Apparently he doesn't like..._human girls_." she said, looking up and down at Rue as her tongue flicked in and out.

"Wow, that must be a very good book." Duck paused before turning towards the girl with eyes as red as hellfire._ 'Oh no! What now? !'_ Duck thought as Rue somberly sighed.

"Buh-bye!" the anteater replied pretenciously as she waltzed away, taking Mytho with her.

"Uh-I uh! Uh... SEVENTY-FOUR-THREE-PARSLEY!" Duck babbled.

"Disco fever, huh?" Rue smirked.

_**Meanwhile at Mytho Fangirl HQ**_

"What? ! No girl fight? ! I can't believe it! Stupid Duck...calling in a false alarm." growled one of the fangirls.

"Yeah, but it wasn't entirely wasted. Mytho with Anteaterella, no less." said Fangirl 2. "What a stupid upstart she is! I hear she's fat because she binge-eats."

"Yeah. Anteateronica isn't good for Mytho!" Fangirl 1 replied spitefully.** (A/N: should point out that her actual name is Anteaterina, so don't be confoosald! X)**

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Alright Class, now you will be tested all the time to make sure you don't secretly hate ballet." Mr. Cat said as he began pacing in front of the class. "After every test, you will be assigned to a class. If you fail, you will be sent into a solitary confinement class for observation. In other words, I HATE LITTLE GIRLS! Do I make myself clear?"

"What is this, a school or a jail?" Pique mumbled.

"That, or you will-!" Mr. Cat threatened.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!EEEEK!WAHHHHH-!" the girls shrieked in horror.

"-Think of my children! Think of my baby!" one of the girls pleaded.** (A/N: wtf? ! Aren't they, like, thirteen?)**

"Mr. Cat, it's true that _anyone_ can be in the special class,_ riiiiiight?~"_ spoke up Anteaterina.

"Well yes, if they are _'special'_ enough." Mr. Cat shivered with a passive fury.

"Then I challenge Rue for her place in the special class."

"A declaration of war!" Pique whispered loudly in shock.

"I love a good dance off!" Lillea squealed.

"The style will be Pas de Deux. I'll use my partner, Mytho." Cue the multiple fangirls gasps of HORROR! **:O**

"A SUPER BURN!" Pique and Lillea commented in unision.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

**Commerical Break while Drosselmeyer spins on a clock gear and poses when it stops.**

**Elf: Seriously? What the heck? !**

**And we're back while a clock spins around and opens up, revealing Drosselmeyer staring oddly at you while he drinks his tea.**

**Elf: Clock tea?**

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Mytho and Anteaterina began dancing their pas de deux, a series of complicated movements between two people.

_'Somehow, Anteateresta's dancing looks unnatural, like her body isn't supposed to move that way...You know, it makes me wonder how Mytho learned the girl's part and an entirely different routine in two hours.'_ Duck thought as the pair finished with a 'bang'.

"WOW!" the class said unanimously.

_"Well?_ Come on, Rue. Let's see you go...**_IF_** you find a partner, that is." Anteaterina said smugly.

"Ouch. Ice for that burn?" Duck stated while Rue walked down the row of girls.

"Well, will you dance with me?" she asked Duck.

"Me?" Duck said, looking around frantically if she was talking to someone else.

"Yes, that's right, Disco Girl." Rue smiled comically.

"R-R-Rue...um-umm-I'm allergic to large crowds! I can't do this!" Duck stammered shakily, feeling the eyes of Pique and Lillea watching her back curiously along with rest of the class.

"Don't be stupid." she laughed before she got into position._ "Do good. Don't suck."_ she whispered into Duck's ear.

"Eh-heh...right..." Duck said nervously as the music began playing. _'What do I do? ! What do I do? !'_ she thought as Rue did a ballet cursy with her feet, Duck quickly mimicking the position in an awkward way. _'Okay, that's not so-...'_

**_'One, two, one, two...'_** a voice counted.

_'Huh? What's that?'_ Duck thought as the girls raised their arms above their heads.

**_'Well, I guess she'll do. I didn't really expect her to suck this bad...'_**

_'Is that Rue? Am I hearing Rue's thoughts?...Is this Tutu power?'_

_**'I picked her because she's light, of course. It will be hard enough to do a lift with a partner twice my size...****I wish Mytho was still dancing with me...'**_ Rue sighed before she thought _**'JUMP!'**_

_'Huh?'_ Duck thought, unconsciously doing exactly what Rue commanded and jumped gracefully in the air as any Duck could._ 'Wow, what an amazing power!'_

**_'But, of course I don't blame him. It's not his fault he's such a doormat! I guess I could ask Fakir, but seriously, I haven't seen him dance once. What kind of ballet student is he, anyway?'_ **Rue thought as she performed a pose that had her face inches away from Duck's.

_'Too close!'_ Duck squeaked in her head before Rue began to spin her around.

**_'1, 2, 1, 2, 1, 2, 1-2, 3.'_ **Rue finished counting as they both posed.

_'Waltz?'_ Duck thought.

"Whoa..." the class said in awe.

**_'Wow, she sucked pretty bad...'_ **Rue thought as she put up a fake smile. "You were wonderful."

"Ah..." Duck said shortly, secretly knowing what Rue was thinking all along.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"I can't believe you dance so sloppily! It's because I'm an anteater, isn't it?" Anteaterina yelled offensively at Mytho as they both stood in the park by the plaza. "You don't want me to succeed and open the field of ballet to other anteaters! That's it! Your an anti-animal-right bigg*t! I can't STAND YOU!"** (A/N: my!_ LANGUAGE!_ OoO)**

"Anteateredler?" Duck asked, grabbing onto to Anteaterina's coat.

"GO AWAY!" she shouted, pulling away from Duck's grasp.

"Wait!-Gosh..." Duck huffed before looking down at the bright red light emitting from her pendant. "Shiny?"

"I can't take it! Where are you, you stupid ants!" Anteaterina bawled as she began glowing red, mutilating an innocent, by-standing log with her long, sharp claws. "I need comfort food, DANG IT!" Suddenly, a red princely-dressed Mytho appeared beside her.

"I know. It's hungry work, isn't it? Fighting for evil tree food." said the red Mytho as he hugged the distressed anteater around her enormous head.

"Mytho? Why is he red...and informal and wearing a silly outfit?" Duck thought outloud.

**"What do you think?-It's a plot device! Now get to work, Tutu."** Drosselmeyer ordered from the spinning gears in his workshop as he hopped across the screen.

"Right. TUTU ON!" Duck shouted as she began to transform in a flash of light.

**Song: Russian Lullaby by Toxbox**

"Anteateranderella, please dance with me." Princess Tutu said as she extend her hand out towards Anteaterina.

"What is with you people? ! My name is Anteaterina! Adding 'anteater' onto something doesn't make it my name!" Anteaterina yelled as she began doing large, destructive pirouettes. "You bigg*ts are all alike! Just because I'm an anteater doesn't mean I can't dance!"

"Anteaterita, why do you feel so strongly?" Princess Tutu asked, clearly not getting her name right as she jumped across a random field of tall reeds that appeared out of nowhere. "Who told you you couldn't dance?"

"That-! THAT-!" Anteaterina stuttered.

_(flashback)_

_'You're so wonderful, Rue! How do I get into the special class?' a younger Anteaterina asked admiringly._

_'You can't. You're not _special_ enough.' Rue spat at her, the young anteater's eyes filling with shock and hurt of Rue's sharp words._

_(end flashback)_

"Not special enough? NOT SPECIAL ENOUGH? ! I'm an anteater, for crying out loud! Rue just doesn't want to give me a chance and I-...when I get stressed out like that, I-" Anteaterina began to weeze. "-I-I EAT!"

"But, why is that a problem? You should learn to take set backs as they come, and if you're worried about weight, there's always dieting." Princess Tutu said calmly as she gently extended out her hand.

"...Oh." the anteater said in realization as she began to dance with the ballerina princess.

"For you, I suggest Weight Watchers, since cutting back on carbs really won't help your ant problem, or maybe Jenny Craig."

"Of course!" Anteaterina said with glee as she danced away, leaving a small apparatus of Mytho behind.

"Are you-?" Princess Tutu began to ask.

"Mytho's hunger, lost and forgotten." Mytho's Hunger finished.

"You can go back now."

"Go back?" he questioned as Princess Tutu nodded sharply. "Okay." He began to evaporate into a swarm of red sparkles which collected together in Tutu's hands as a small scarlet shard.

"Shiny..." she said as the shard glowed softly in her hands. 'Wow, so this is my purpose.' she thought as the shard flew from her hand and towards the convienently nearby Mytho, absorbing into his chest.

"Mytho?" Fakir asked as Mytho began to fall over.

"Ah- Ah!" Mytho exclaimed as the warm, tingling feeling began to subside inside his heart.

"Is this a bad time,_ Moron_?" Fakir asked, staring suspiciously at the swooning prince.

"I-I really need a double cheeseburger right now..." Mytho said, a sense of longing in the tone of his voice.

_"What?"_

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"And so the special class remains special people, and you, Duck, you danced well." Mr. Cat said observantly.

_"Yesssssssss?"_ Duck said leaning in, almost begging for words of praise.

"But-you-obviously-hated-it,-so-you-are-now-in-solitary-confinement-class!" Mr. Cat said quickly.

"WHAT? ! OH SN-MPHFFFF!" Duck shrieked, muffling her own cries of protest to avoid the 'S' word as she waddled quickly away from the front of the class.

**To Be Continued...**

**Ending Theme: Caramall Dansen**

_**Taslin as Narrator**_

_**Runen as Drosselmeyer**_

_**Doodle (Lex) as Edel/Anteaterina**_

_**Blade as Mr. Cat/Lilliae**_

_**The Girls as the Mytho Fangirls**_

* * *

><p><strong>Author Notes:<strong>

**(1) I'm just assuming it's the Legend of the Flying Dutchman.**

**(2) Edel's theme**


	3. Episode 3: UFMP,UnidentifiedFlyinMeatPie

**I am super excited about the anime convention this week, but it seems possible that I might be off the computer more than I would like. I am working really hard for a Death the Kid tshirt my mom didn't want to get, and my hard work is the only fragile thing that is keeping her from throwing it out the window so I hope you guys understand if it might be a little slow this week! All credit goes to Elf and everyone at TutuOnAbridgers (the username group on youtube, if u want to check it out). Repeat, I DO NOT OWN THIS DIALOGUE! So no flames, please!~**

**Princess Tutu: The Abridged Series Act 1**

**Episode 3: UFMP (Unidentified Flying Meat Pie)**

**(Disclaimer: None of the dialogue of the Abridged series, Princess Tutu, or any other parodies u might hear do I own! If I did, Duck would've stayed human and gotten together with Fakir! FAKIRU FOREVA! No copyright infringement!)**

_Once upon a time, there was a barber and his wife, and she was beautiful. A foolish barber and his wife; she was his reason and his life, and she was beautiful and she was virtuous, and he was...naive._

**Theme Song: I Don't Feel Like Dancing by Scissor Sisters**

_**Elf as Duck**_

_**Walker as Mytho**_

_**Blade as Rue**_

_**Runen as Fakir**_

* * *

><p>"Duck, we braved in infamous wrath of Mr. Cat so we can help intone your fantastic ass. Don't make me go super seiyan on it!"(1) Pique growled as the book on Duck's head fell on the back of her butt for the 3rd time that day.<p>

"You can't do that! That's blatant copyright infringement!" Lillea cried out as she squeezed Duck in a death-grip hug.

"Oh come on, Lillea! This is an abridged series!"

"...What?" Duck said obliviously.

"Oooh static electricity!" Lillea squeaked happily as she quickly rubbed Duck's head.

"Abusing her does not make her a better ballerina." Pique huffed.

"But-...I just want to touch her assssssss!" Lillea whined.

"I dunno. Duck's been acting pretty weird today. She's all limp and lifeless like an overpowering hatred of ballet has drained away her life force."

"Maybe she's a puppet!" Lillea exclaimed as she held Duck in her arms. "...Duck doesn't usually let me touch her like this."

"Look guys, it's not that. It's just that some really crazy stuff has been happening to me lately. See, Mytho is actually a prince with no heart, and I can turn into a magical ballerina princess who has to find the shards and return it to him so he can fight birds._ Eeeeevil_ birds."

"You know, I've heard stories like that." Pique said thoughtfully.

"Who knew Duck was into hard drugs?" Lillea said cheerfully.

"It sort of sounds like the Prince and the Raven."

"Look! The book is conveniently right here!" Lillea said as Pique picked up the book.

"Wow...that's some really good cover art." Duck exclaimed as she stared at the title of the book, examining the author's name. "...Drosselmeyer is a silly name."

_**'You may call me Drosselmeyer~'**_

"So what's up with this Drosselmeyer guy?" Duck asked.

"Oh, he's dead!" Lillea said a little _too_ happily.

"Dead?" Duck said with a 'duh' look on her face.

"Well, we're leaving but remember-" Pique warned.

"We'll be watching your _behind_!" Lillea finished as they skittered out of the practice room.

"Wait!" Duck cried out, but the two girls were already gone. "Awww...they took the book. Now it's just me and..._calculus_." Duck shuddered. "Hey look, it's Mytho-...with Rue...and a picnic basket...oh..." she sighed, not noticing the other prescence in the room.

"You're supposed to read with your eyes and not with your head, _moron."_ Fakir grumbled.

"Oh...it's _you."_ Duck said irritably.

"Where's Mytho? He went out without my authorization and he must be..._captured."_ Fakir finished briskly.

"You control freak! He's Rue's boyfriend, not yours." Duck pointed out.

"RUE _KIDNAPPED_ MYTHO! ?" Fakir screeched.

"I didn't-!"

"I WILL HUNT HER DOWN!" Fakir shouted, his face reflecting darkly in sheer rage.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"So if no one sees me practice, how can they know if I play hooky?" Duck thought outloud before Edel's ghost music began playing as a raccoon driving an oversized mo-ped drove in front of her, magically dropping off the puppet Edel behind.

"See ya later, _handsome."_ Edel waved before turning towards Duck and saying "Remember, cash or credit."

"Miss Edel! Boy, am I glad to see you! I have so many more questions to ask you." Duck greeted her as she began explaining the situation as they walked down the cobblestone streets of Kinkan Town.

...

"...so Mytho and Rue are an item, and Fakir is Mytho's roomate so HOPEFULLY they aren't an item, and Rue doesn't like Fakir so they DEFINITELY aren't item, but I want to be Mytho's squeeze!

"A mighty wind fans flames and makes treetops sway, but flames burn trees to the ground."

"Ahhh, an extended metaphor! So Mytho fans Fakir and makes Rue sway, but Fakir secretly wants to burn Rue alive!

"It's not a perfect metaphor..." Edel sighed as the innocent Duck ran off towards some unknown direction, probably looking for some bread crumbs.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

_'Where could Rue and Mytho be?' _Duck thought before she spotted the young couple lying under the tree with a large picnic laid out with all sorts of goodies._ 'Hmmm...I guess Mytho must be having a blast with all of that food. I hope he left some for Rue.'_

"Mytho, say you love me." Rue sighed contently as her long eyelashes opened for only a brief moment before lazily drooping shut again once more.

"I love me..." Mytho said robotically.

"Oh sna-" Duck gushed before clapping her hands over her mouth while her legs wobbled to-and-fro. "Oh dear! I think I'm having a seizure! Mytho said the word 'love'! Ack! Oh dear lord! Oh my legs! I can't. feel. my legs!"

"Mytho, I'm thirsty. Get me something to drink." Rue asked as she lifted her head off of Mytho's lap and into a sitting position. Mytho handed her a bottle of ice cold lemonade, making her reel back in disgust.

"No Mytho! Water! Now!" Rue screeched angrily as she made him pour out the contents of the bottle. Mytho indifferently got up and

"OMG! OMG! HELP! I CAN'T CONTROL MY ARMS! OH MAN, I'M DROOLING! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Duck whined as she flailed her arms uncontrollably, her hyperness turning her face a dark red.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Duck was walking around the school campus for no apparent reason, leaving herself with her thoughts...errr thought.

_'I can't believe Mytho poured out all that lemonade, but wow...maybe one day, Mytho could say that to me.'_ Duck thought to herself, blushing at the very thought of Mytho saying-

_"I love you, Duck."_

"OMG! WHOOPS! LEATHER!_ CLOSE PINS!"_ Duck squealed excitedly as she ran around in circles.

"Let's get married, Duck."

"_RRRRRRRRAAAAAH!_ STEADY COLLARS! LEOPARD SHEETS! PEANUT BUTTER!"

"Have my babies, Duck."

"_OOooooooooo!_ MARSHMELLOWS! POM-POMS! FEATHER BOAS! HAHAHAHAHAHA-OMPH!" Duck fangirled before she collided into the very person she had been day dreaming about, turning an embaressed pink. "Ack! Oh Mytho!...H-Hi Mytho...um! My limbs, so stiff! I walk around in the night like this, umm yep! I'll eat'ch your brains!"

_'Oh no! Cut off Zombie Duck's head before she goes more insane! Say something clever!' _Duck's inner self rolled around wildly inside her head.

"Sooooo Mytho, I've been thinking about building a perfect race by eliminating all those inferior."

_'High, all Nazi'd up, then cut off her idiotic head!'_ Duck's inner self growled in frustration at the stupidity she was showing.

"The human body is 75% water. Less than one percent of all water is reconsidered for consumption..." Mytho mumbled as he stared at the clear bottle of water that he held in his hand before he scraped it on a nearby pricker bush.

"Ahhhh! Mytho! You're gonna get AIDS!" Duck squeaked, pointing at Mytho's injured hand. "Hmmm, how do you cure AIDS?"

_'Hmmm...thinking back now...replace blood? Mmm no-no...'_ Duck appeared in deep thought while Mytho stared his usual fathomless gaze._ '...Wow, what pretty eyes...'_

"That's it! Water is the cure for AIDS!" Duck exclaimed before dumping the entire contents of Rue's water all over Mytho's hand. "Oh no! I've used it up! My _nobel!_ How will I replicate my results? !" Without warning, Duck grabbed onto Mytho's wrist and dragged him away in search of the AIDS curing water.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Hmmm now where would we find water? In a house? In a tree?" Duck thought as she walked through a more secluded part of town.

"How about there...?" Mytho pointed towards a humble little restaurant that look just like a cottage.

"Geoff-net?" Duck said curiously, trying to pronounce the German language for which she did not speak-.

"You mean 'open'..." the prince replied.

-except for Mytho, because he knows this kind of pointless dribble.

"_Riiiiiiight..."_ Duck dragged out before knocking the shabby wooden door.

"Who's there? ! Who sent y'all? !" said a frantic figure in a southern bell accent, her shockingly large lavender eye the only part visible to the duo in the diamond window pane.

"Ahhh! No one! I mean-!...Isn't this a restaurant?" Duck exclaimed, backing away from the door a solid couple of yards.

"Yee-es! Of course it is! You must come in!" the woman said darting out excitedly through the door in front of them before dashing into another doorway nearby.

**(insert crazy cartoonic violence noises of your choice)**

"Through this door!" said the woman, unveiling a bigger door that led into a simple dining room that seemed to be made out a person's house. "Welcome to The Restaurant! So, are you hungry? They say we have the best meat pies in Golden Crown!"

"Umm..." Duck mumbled.

"I don't suppose you've heard of them...?"

"W-Well actually, I'm just here for water."

"Just water?" the woman said dissapointedly.

"I-" Duck began before a low empty grumbling noise came from her lower abdomen.

"Your stomach speaks for you! It would be rude, yes, down right rude not to give you a good meal!" the lady said as she excitedly pushed Duck into one of the dining room chairs before Duck's pendant began to glow a crimeson red.

"Wait...so psycho makes it shiny or does she have a piece of Mytho's heart?" Duck pondered outloud as the scene shifted quickly to the less important characters in the episode.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Rue, where's Mytho?" Fakir asked, riding on a chestnut brown horse he had snagged from the nearby stables for no apparent reason.

"Why should I tell you? It's not like he's yours." Rue said as she sat comfortably in the shade next to the picnic basket.

"Well, he certainly isn't yours." Fakir retorted with an irritable glare in his eyes.

"Touche'." Rue shrugged as she got up and brushed herself of any grass or dirt clinging to her skirt. "You know, if we weren't such insuffrable control freaks, we might get along. We do have a lot in common."

"Well, you are very pretty for a moron." Fakir said, glancing at Rue out of the corner of his eye.

"What did you say?"

"I said 'you're beautiful'."

"Why Fakir, you're being very forward~" Rue said with a flirtatous tone, only for Fakir to pass her by on his horse. "Wait! I'm coming to!"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Food! Food! Ha ha! Eat more!" said the woman as she rushed in with multiple trays of delectable treats and goodies.

"Umm...do you have-?" Duck began before the woman cut her off.

"More? ! Yes I have so much more food!" the woman interrupted as she rushed off to bring more plates of food.

"Not what I meant." Duck said before she sighed in defeat and tried a piece of her meal. _'I have to find a way to get Mytho's heart shard...THIS IS DELICIOUS! AND THIS! It's all delicious!'_ Duck thought as she began trying any piece of food she hadn't already stuffed into her mouth._ 'How can they all be this delicious? I guess it's the cafeteria food talking...'_ She took another bite. _'I get shivers when I eat them! This is impossible! Why can't all food be this wonderful?'_

"Hey Mytho, can you pass me the pudding?" Duck asked.

"_Nooo_...**_MINE_."** Mytho said rather possesively...and creepily. ^^;

(flashback)

_'I am Mytho's hunger lost and forgotten...'_

(flash forward)

_'That's right. Hunger...'_ Duck thought as Mytho began devouring the pudding.

"MORE FOOD! AND MORE! AND MORE!" said the woman excitedly.

"_Alllllright..._I'm going to...umm... the ladies' room, okay?" Duck said unsurely as she excused herself from the table.

"**OM NOM NOM!"** Mytho said as he munched on the double cheeseburger he wanted last chapter.

***FLUSHES***

"Okay, now that that's done with, I better get to work." Duck said as she kicked a small piece of toilet paper off of her shoe.

"...Yes, Mr. Todd. I think aliens would make nice meat pies, don't 'cha?" said a voice faintly from a room Duck decided to easedrop in. The restaurant lady was sharpening a butcher's knife next to a cut-up ham. "That boy keeps eating; I'm sure he's one. The girl will make a nice pie, even though she's not, but they don't suspect, do they?"

_'What? PIES? !'_ Duck thought before she stared out a window and noticed a small headstone.

"...The best meat pies in all of Golden Crown."

_**"What? !** She's gonna-! Oh sn-mph!"_ Duck said, muffling her own voice before taking off down the hallway. "Mytho, we have to leave RIGHT NOW! The resteroom smells like smoke and I think the lady's trying to make us into pies!"

"Really? That's nice..." Mytho said indifferently as he continued eating his steak.

_'It's no good! The food is too tasty!'_ Duck whined sadly before a box of pictures fell on her noggin'. "What are these? Conspiracy theories?" Duck thought aloud.

"What are ya doin'?" asked the lady, appearing suddenly from the shadows.

"I was..._leaving..."_ Duck said, dragging out the 'leaving' portion.

**"NO!"** the woman shrieked.

"YES!" Duck screamed back before the woman had a look of distain on her face.

"More food?" Mytho asked.

"You can leave, but your friend stays." said the woman as she pushed Duck out of the cottage and locked the door behind her.

"Wait! NO!" Duck shouted, banging the door and trying to pick the lock, her one true weakness._ 'Damn! I have to save Mytho! I don't wanna marry a pie!'_ she thought pitifully as Drosselmeyer's gear dropped into view.

**"Yes, yes. Having a piiiiiiie be the hero of the story would be rather...problematic. Go on~"** said Drosselmeyer as he hopped across the screen.

**"TUTU OOOOOOOONNNNNNN!"** Duck shouted loud enough for China to hear.

**(Sweeny Todd theme plays on organ)**

"Who's there?" the lady asked as Princess Tutu emerged from a large red light. "ALIENS? ! YOU'VE COME FOR ME AT LAST!"

"No, I come for Mytho." Princess Tutu replied lightly.

"SO HE _IS_ AN ALIEN!" the woman exclaimed in realization.

"Errr...no-! I mean-! Will you come dance with me?"

"What? ! So you can suck out my brains? No way!"

"Come. Why are you so mistrustful all the time? Even when you make such delicious food, you don't open up to people."

"Why would I open up to any of them? THEY'RE OUT TO GET ME!"

"Why do you think so? What are you feeling?"

"Why should I tell ya? What do you gain from it? !"

"I see. You've lost someone dear, and you're lonely."

"Wha-?"

"And stricken with grief, you've been driven to insufrible paranoia"

"So you WERE trying to steal my recipies!" the woman began before she sighed in defeat. "...Yes, I guess you're right. I do miss him terribly. All those psychotic rages inspire me."

"I'm not paranoia!_ What do you want from me?"_ said both the woman and the heart shard.

"To return."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Rue and Fakir were walking past the cottage, the latter one dragging his horse by the bridle.

"Well I must say, I- MYTHO!" Fakir shouted as he and Rue rushed over towards the white haired boy while Duck 'ducked' behind the porch.

"Mytho, are you alright?" Rue asked in concern.

"What happened?" Fakir said, his accusation sounding more like a command than a question.

"Princess...tutu was here..." Mytho mumbled while looking at his hand. The duo gave him blank stares.

"(-_-) You're joking, right?" they both asked rhetorically in unision.

"Princess Tutu isn't real!" Fakir stated.

"She's just a story." Rue said rolling her eyes.

_'Whaaaat? Tutu isn't real? !'_ Duck thought in shock.

"Her story is over. A princess who's destiny is to turn into a speck of light and vanish after she confesses her love to the prince." Rue continued.

"Princess Tutu..." Fakir finished.

_**'WHAT! ?** NO! That can't be true!'_ Duck screeched in her mind as she ran down Golden Crown's streets. _'I don't wanna dissapear! I don't even wanna be a duck! THIS SUCKS!'_

**"Well, life sucks, especially for you, the terrible tragic Princess Tutu~"** Drosselmeyer concluded from backstage.

**To Be Continued...**

* * *

><p><strong>Ending Theme: Caramall Dansen<strong>

_**Taslin as Narrator**_

_**Runen as Drosselmeyer**_

_**Doodle (Lex) as Edel/Anteaterina**_

_**Blade as Mr. Cat/Lilliae**_

_**The Girls as the Mytho Fangirls**_

* * *

><p>"Wait, did you hear something?" Rue asked.<p>

"I didn't hear anything." Fakir replied

"Strawberries provide more vitamin C than oranges..." Mytho said randomly.

"SHUT UP, MYTHO!" Fakir and Rue shouted.

* * *

><p><strong>Author Notes:<strong>

**(1) DragonballZ reference.**


End file.
